Project polaroid.

I have less than a year left here in San Diego. Assuming all goes well and I move back home as soon as I'm done. I shall start using my nifty polaroid camera that the girls bought me and start taking fun pictures.

In the mean time, I need to find a way to share it on this blog. Anybody know where I can find a cheap scanner?

Hotelife

For the past couple of weeks I've watched the same man cheat on his wife with 3+ women.

This week he's on #5, I wonder if they know about each other.

& I hope he doesn't have kids.

And I can probably add this to the list of #whyimsingle.

(Yes. I just hashtagged on my blog, thanks twitter!)

City of God

Just finished City of God. after hearing 928374 recommendations and MikeE. finally putting it on my Netflix queue.

Thanks Michael.

2 thumbs up-- the only problem now is that I wanna own a gun and maybe rob a couple stores to get some monies.

"A hood doesn't stop. A hood takes a break."

Congratulations Anthony Mendoza!

I'm in a rush to go to work, I wanted to find one of the pics of you and me at the Incubus show, but this came up first so I just had to go with it. Look at those locks, maybe you should bring it back!

About a month and some ago..

Me: So what are you graduating with?

Doza: Psychology.

Me:... Sweeet! What are you gonna do with it?

Doza: Be a rapper.

Don't say you weren't warned!

Do I tweet too much because I'm single?

Or am I single because I tweet too much..

Fuggit!

Me too, Kobe. Me too.

Words of Wisdom from your Wang

"If you're willing to learn, your life is limitless."

- Vera

2thumbsup

Good movie, go watch.

Don't worry Beef Curry!

NOTHING could have picked me up more than.. getting good grades on my finals & passing my classes this semester!

FUCK YEAH!

5 days off and I start my next semester. Another 16 wks of blood, tears and sweat. So much for a break or a summer vacay, but I'll take it!

=)

p.s.

True friends encourage you to follow your real priorities. Thanks for all the good lucks, congratulations, and proud of yous I've gotten. Things like that make me so happy to know that people I care about are proud. You guys have no idea how good it feels to know that all the "No, I can't, I have to study.."s are paying off.. Thanks to everyone who have been so encouraging when it came to school, you guys know how much this means to me.

Am I being really dramatic right now?? LOL I'm just so happy this semester ended so well, I NEEDED IT.

p.s.s.

Congratulations to all my little Mounties (Grace, Tash, Vessa, & Frances) who are graduating this week, I'm so proud of you guys! You guys are gonna be SUPER GREAT nurses, love you& hope to see you guys sooner than later.

Finals.

So, I can't even begin to start to explain or tell you all the kinds of CRAZINESS that has taken place in the past couple of months.

Besides the events of the evening of March 11 (I'll tell you maybe a year from now). I thought things couldn't get much worse.

Well, they didn't get WORSE, but they didn't get better either. Where do I start?

The end of March was my recovery period. I was at an all time low, and you read it for yourself. I felt like scum, and worthless and completely-- not myself. I felt like I've let down so many people, only to find out that the people who really do love me will love me and support me regardless of the stupid mistakes I've made. I couldn't stop apologizing to my parents and to my friends for, I'm not sure what-- really. But I think the guilt and disappointment inside me was so overwhelming that it was eating me inside, especially at night. And I kid you not, I didn't sleep at night. I slept during the day, because.. I felt that time would go faster that way. And I think I was slightly depressed!! For two whole weeks!! And I thought to myself, God has to be putting me through some ridiculous test right now. And I wasn't sure I was ready for it.

But it took a turn for the better when I found that.... I think this all happened for my Dad & I to become closer.

So, the beginning of April. I picked myself up. And I really did. I started studying again. And I had to catch up FAST. The end of the semester was right around the corner and I had so much to catch up on, because I wasn't able to focus a couple weeks earlier. I kept myself busy at work, came home and studied, and worked my butt off to pick up all my lazy slack.

Then, just when things started to feel a little normal. My Uncle's cancer took a turn for the worse. He just turned 75 in October, my Mom's only brother.

So about a week before Easter, he went through a craniotomy.

Actually, rewind.

He was diagnosed with lung cancer about 6 months ago. Along with all kids of problems-- diabetes, renal failure, gout.. you name it. But he was a strong man. But cancer, is what made the fight a little tougher. And not too long after, the cancer metastasized to his brain. So anyway, he had brain surgery -- craniotomy. To relieve the pressure of the tumor growing in his brain. And luckily, he recovered well. He wasn't the same, though.. Very irritable, and sometimes confused. But he recognized me a couple of times, and even called me by his nickname for me. It'd make me cry because I remember him when he was so healthy, and it was so hard for him to see him this sick. And I thought to myself, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? ANd why did I let all this time pass by without spending more time with him??

I watched him in his bed talk to my Aunts, my Mom, his wife, his kids, and he'd ALWAYS smile when his grandkids were around.

The last time I saw him was Easter. He even sat up in bed so he could hear Jacob (my nephew) sing to him. And I left for SD that night. Later that week, he was readmitted into the hospital. And around Ate Marne's birthday, he was unresponsive. --I remember when my Auntie Ligaya went unresponsive after her breast cancer spread to her brain, it was only days until she had passed away. That whole week, I prayed and prayed that I could see him that weekend when I came home for my birthday.

He passed away the night of my birthday party.

I should have gone home to see him.

I wish I did, and I'll regret forever that I didn't.

I spent the rest of my weekend with my family. The rest of my [bday] weekend plans were out the window-- because there are more important things. Nothing inside of me wanted to complain.

Sunday night, I came back to SD. And told myself... just get through this week.

Monday morning, I got up to go to class. Walked to my car.. to find a hole in my window and the glass shattered on the drivers side of my car. I swear, I clenched my teeth and tried not to cry out of this FUCKING RIDICULOUS frustration. WHAT THE FUCK. REALLY? IS THE UNIVERSE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?!

Missed my morning class, had my manager pick me up from home and dropped me off to school. My classmate took me to work after, and my coworker took me home after my shift. 10 hours and $200 dollars later, my window was fixed. I got through 2 days of school, and a 12 hr shift at the hospital and went straight home to LA for the funeral for the rest of the wknd.

Now, even though the circumstances weren't the greatest-- it's always so good to spend time with my family.

After this LONG LONG weekend, I came back to SD and I really really really had to catch up now. Finals then were about a week and a half away.

This past Friday, I got a phone call from my Mom saying that my cousin, Ate Malou, in Chicago had a brain aneurysm. -- Really? REALLY? For those of you who don't know... An aneurysm occurs when a blood vessel pops or breaks in your brain. For someone who doesn't get treated right away, this could kill you. When your brain isn't getting the blood that it needs, it will stop functioning. And eventually so will everything else. She was airlifted to a hospital in Chicago to get an emergency craniotomy.. the same surgery my Uncle had to go through. She was confused, and not responding. And it was all too familiar. I cried that whole night, because just the week before, I saw her for the funeral.

I started thinking about her, and how she was a physical therapist. She might not be able to work anymore after this.. She might not even be able to speak. She might not even recognize of us after this surgery. What if she doesn't recover at all? What if the surgery goes wrong? Who's gonna take care of the kids? Who's gonna be there with them in Chicago??

Why was God doing this? Did he think I could handle all of this?

The next morning, I got a text from my niece saying that the surgery was successful.

And today, she's recovering. And now awake.. today, she is even eating. And she even texted my Mom to let her know she was doing okay.

God is so good.

I'm not sure why all of this happened at the same time. I'm not sure if God was expecting me to become super woman, because I've turned into nothing but an emotional wreck these past couple of weeks. On top of trying to pass my classes. But I've never been so thankful, and for the first time in my whole life--I've really put heavy trust in my faith. Because everything seemed like they were falling apart.. and faith & family, and a handful of good friends was really all I had. Not my clothes, not my phone, not my money, not my credit cards. And as someone who never used to pray on the regular, I've never been so.. willing to pray and give so much up to bargain just so someone I love could stay alive.

I never should bargain anything to God, He doesn't want any of my material things or my promises that I'll probably forget as soon as things are normal again. All He ever asks of me was to go to church and never question Him again, and pray and be thankful every day for all He has given me.

Sorry for getting super religious on you guys. But you start to lose yourself in greed and misfortune, tragedy and loss.. the material things don't matter anymore. It's all bullshit. And you never really know what you have until it's gone. I'll still never fully understand why this all happened to me.. all at once, but I'll try my best to see the good in it all.

I'm ready for things to become better now.

In the Lord, put your trust.

- Psalms 11:1

And on one happy note:

I've found happiness in helping deliver babies & I think I found my niche in Labor & Delivery.